Gut Wrenching Weekend

The adoption process just became very real to us.  On Friday morning I woke to find a referral for a nine month old baby girl in my email.  Our coordinator found her on the shared list.  She knew this little one's need was not on our "list" of possible needs we could accept, but she thought this was worth our time in looking.  I was trembling as I opened the file to the most precious chubby cheeked baby girl.  I quickly sent her file to my brother and sister as I tried to figure out what our next step should be.  My sister was able to call on a couple friends who were experts in the field to review our file.  It was an amazing, amazing blessing.

The trouble with these files is that sometimes they do not offer much information on top of the fact they have been transcribed from Chinese.  There simply was not enough information for us to feel comfortable with the diagnosis.  We had a mere 72 hours to consult with specialists and research as much as we could about a diagnosis we knew NOTHING about.   After much prayer, discussion we felt God telling us to let her go.  It broke our hearts in half.

As we move through this process I am reminded that I must trust completely in God; in His perfect plan for our family.  He has led us to this call to adopt and we will lead us to our Kathryn.  Every "no" leads us a step closer to our "yes" to our daughter.   "No" to this precious girl is leading her a step closer to the parents God has for her.  In all of this, I am reminded I need to keep my eyes completely fixed on Him.

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