This wait is so unbearably hard. 80 days. 80 days and last check we have not quite left the translation room. Supposedly today or tomorrow. Somehow that does not make me feel a whole lot better. 80 days to translate a dossier from English into Chinese. Upwards of another month to process the translated dossier. We could be looking at well over 100 days. It is not like we get this approval and we travel. After approval it is another 2-3 MONTHS before we board a plane. It has been unbearably painful to watch so many other LOAs go through for people who have literally waited half the time. So hard. You see, we did not submit our Letter of Intent until after our dossier was already in China. This means our dossier goes to the same translation room as if we had applied to the non special needs program. If we had submitted a letter before our dossier was sent then our dossier would be been sent to the waiting child room for translation. I do not understand why this is the way it is. Because of this, we wait longer. Very frustrating indeed. The one who suffers the most in all this is our daughter who waits. I can be thankful that she is too young to understand.
That is the human side of me. The side of me that does not understand the "injustice" of it all. The anxious and upset side of me that wants what I want on MY time schedule. The side that forgets that there is someone else at work here.
I have been reminded of three brave friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego from the book of Daniel. Daniel's three friends are faced with the ultimate test: Bow down to King Nebuchadnezzar's statue and worship or be thrown into the firey furnace. These brave men know that it is against God's law to bow down to any false idol no matter the circumstances. Their reply to the king has been ringing through my mind for several days now: "They replied to the king... 'If it be so, Our God Whom we serve is ABLE to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand oh King. But even if He does not, let it be known to you oh King, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship your golden image that you have set up". Daniel 3:17-18. I know that God is able to push the paperwork through at a miraculous speed. He has authority over all governments. He brings men to power and removes power. He has a firm control over all the paperwork in China. I know my God is still in the business of miracles and I know he is able.
But... "even if He does not" I still believe. I still trust that He is sovereign, that He is able, that He is in complete control, that He has appointed the time He has meant for Kathryn to come home before the beginning of time. "Even if He does not", I trust Him. I will not bow down to the "idol" of the paper chase. As I walk in the furnace of the adoption waiting game, my eyes will be ever open and searching for the fourth man in the fire. The same One Who walked with Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego. The same one who made certain that only their bindings were burnt off them and when they emerged on the other side of the furnace they did not smell of smoke. Oh may that be me. Help my unbelief!!!
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6 comments:
This is the absolute hardest part! Our wait was very long and painful too!! Seems we had a million challenges and obstacles. She is worth all the pain. Hang in there!
Amy
Oh Kelly I wish there were some way for me to ease your pain. I remember our LOA wait from 2007 and it was agony. I think I gained about 20 pounds from the 80 day mark to the 124th day when it finally arrived.
You're right. It isn't fair and it's not logical. & I am just so sorry that you're going through this.
Still praying for you, friend.
Jill G
Thanks for the reminder from Daniel. We continue our prayers!
Love, Bo
What a great post! We waited 94 days for our LOA...and 4 YEARS before that for a referral. You're right...our God IS able, but if He does not, he is still faithful and worthy of my trust. Don't lose hope...it WILL happen!!
amyfmiller from RQ
Someone must have done the BM Daniel study too :) I LOVED Daniel...so, so much. You know my favorite part of the study and of the story of Shadrach, Mesach and Abednego? Not only their tremendous faith in their God, but the fact that they did NOT SMELL like smoke when they were taken out of the fiery furnace. That really resonated with me. I think many people can be redeemed form the fire, but many of us will go on smelling like smoke. Airing our grievances like dirty laundry. What power & restraint it takes to be delivered from the fire and leave the smell of smoke in the furnace.
what a challenge - gets me every time.
I wish I could have been paper-chasing with you (or maybe that you would have been paper-chasing with me) because I could have used that kind of encouragement while enduring all the waits.
I cannot wait to see you post those 3 letters...
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